Have you ever wondered about the horrors of public school? Why kids are getting guns, killing their fellow students? If the truth be known, there are several in the school I went to I wanted to kill. Grab my dads 30 ought 6, with deer scope, and open fire. Of course I didn't do this, but the fantasy has crossed my mind. You are probably wondering why a person as myself would feel this way, well I guess I'll tell you.

I lived in rural Missouri. Where the waters are clear, fishings great, scenary beautiful, and where I met what I call my pain. I was a child to put it simple overweight.

To be the only fat kid in a small school can be a brutal experience. Ever had this said to you? 'Fatty, fatty two by four, can't get your fat ass through the door, or fat ass, fat so, lard ass, or the one which I hated the most and got me into more fights than I can remember, hey fatty your titties are bigger than my moms.

I know most of you are saying these are only school kids making practical jokes. Try living through it! The few friends I had were other rejects as society like to call them. We listened to heavy metal music, Slayer, Metallica, Megadeth, Anthrax, and other music to bang your head to. We smoked a lot of pot, drank as much beer and whiskey as we could, just to escape the fucking rigors of life.

School never meant much to me, I strived to be the class clown. Hell, if I could make everyone laugh, would they then leave me alone? Of course this only got me into the principals office. I bet I hold the record for swats in one year. I also used the mask of satanism to scare people away from me. I would tell them I was a satanist and tell them how I sacrifice people. See, you have to remember I lived in a small town in Missouri. There is a church on every corner. A side note is we used to go to these churches when they had a free dinner, or that the youth got to go to an amusement park or something.

I used to hate my fucking peers. I wanted to kill them. Not just kill them but open fire as if on a firing range. Killing whatever got into my sight. Just dreaming again.

People don't understand that when someone is a little different, or that they don't fit in, they have feeling too. I used to come home crying to my mother. Telling her that I hated fucking school, why should I even go? She always told me not to worry about it , but it's hard when every fucking day someone calls you fat. If it wasn't for my mother, I probably would of done killed myself. I hated life, and everything in it. I flirted with death many times. Drinking to much, driving eratic, taking a razor and cutting my arm. It seemed if I cut myself the pain would somehow ease away.

School began to drive me insane.